Sunday, March 20, 2011

Recognition and Surrender by Rachel Reeves

Hi, Friends. I'm super excited to introduce you to Rachel from No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane. She is a blogger extraordinaire, vintage collector, and all around super cool mama who loves God, her family, and encouraging others with her open and heartfelt writing.

Recognition and Surrender
by Rachel Reeves

My brother and I often use the term "". We'll say it to one another when a subject needs to be dropped or a topic has been played out over and over and it needs to be laid to rest. We laugh each time we say it to one another.

When I was pregnant, I really thought that, once Frankie was born, I would have renewed energy and zeal. I was certain that the way I felt was attributed to pregnancy and my abnormal disposition was simply because I don't deal well with being in a "delicate state". Imagine my surprise when the 20lb. weight on my shoulders wasn't lifted, come December. I tried to shake it off, but something wasn't right. Something was "off".
I would have days when I would feel "fine" and then a day when I would wake up and just feel slightly askew. A little jumbled and fuzzy. More like a reflection and not my authentic self.

This morning, while sipping {read: guzzling} my morning coffee, it hit me like a ton of bricks, swung at light speed. The last 6 months have been the most difficult of my entire life. I grabbed a pen and began scribbling a list of what has happened in the past half-year.

Sold our first home.
Bought a new home.
Renovated our new home.
Had a baby.
Processed an undesired C-section.
Frankie was in the NICU.
Left our home church.
Another anniversary of miscarriage.
Family members dealing with illness.
Made the choice to homeschool.

And quite honestly, there were about four other personal items on that list too.
I sat and stared at the list and said to myself,

As one friend said to me,
"add a death and a wedding and you are on the top of the stress list, under suicidal".
I honestly hadn't thought about all of those things at one time. I dealt with them as they came, but didn't think of their grouping and it's effect on my life, at this point.
Until this morning.

The reason I share is this:
How do I expect God to use those issues/life experiences, if I don't acknowledge them as an area that the devil may take hold of? I have spent the last 6 months pushing through and just "making it", that I didn't take time to surrender these issues to the Lord.

Sure, I "trusted Him" that all would end well. I handed over control, to some degree, when Frankie was born. I said a prayer that we would close escrow and I have faith that the Lord is directing our path to a new church family.

But saying I have faith and actually SURRENDERING myself to the inevitable, are two different things.

I hadn't surrendered those things. I was holding tightly. I controlled what I could and tried to handle them all...
By myself.
I ask for very little help. I don't ask for comfort or consolation. In fact I rarely bring up struggles. I've never wanted people feeling sorry for me or calling to see if we could hug {not really, at least}. I'm used to being strong and taking care of everything in my life. I'm always the one there for others. I listen to their problem and the pause when they say, "how is everything with you?" And reply, "fine!"
I hold it together. Always.
Even when it all hits at one time and from all angles.

Apparently I can't hold it all together.

My lack of surrender is starting to show and it's becoming a liability.
God wants me to hand over these issues, hurts, concerns and weakness.

We may have sold our home, but I still miss it.
We may have a perfect daughter sleeping in her crib, but I still struggle with what happened.
We may know God is calling us somewhere else, but I still am ripping on the inside, over leaving the church.
I may have two daughters, but I still mourn my third child.

The feelings grew stronger and darker the more I held on.

So, this morning. In the stillness and dark of my kitchen....
I let go.
I simply said, "I have so many feelings, Lord and I don't know what to do with them. But you do. Just do whatever you want to do. Make me whole and cause me to hand these joys and sorrows to you."

I recognized my circumstances. My weakness. My broken and contrite spirit.
I recognized. And surrendered.

I spoke a silent, "".

And the weight was lifted. Praise the Lord!
May I be committed to handing over every problem to the Lord, knowing that He is in control, has a plan, loves me more than anything and knows my inmost being.
And hey....He never gives us more than we can handle, right?


John 5:20
"For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. And greater works than these will he show him, so that you may marvel."

Now that you've experienced the moving post written by Rachel, I recommend that you swing on over to her No.17 Cherry Tree lane here.

1 comment:

  1. Rachel,
    Thank you for reminding us of the valuable lesson of surrendering. I'm a hoarder when it comes to give things in my life over to God, so this was very relevant.